Who knows? I’ve reached middle age and the words I wrote in my diary at the age of 19 still ring in my ears:
“When I leave university, I’ll be 23 and will know exactly what I want to do with my life”
That didn’t happen. I made a lot of mistakes.
But I now know what I don’t want, which to my mind is a great starting point. I figure I have about 25 good years left to live, and I’m going to live them the way I like best.
Which isn’t the standard way. Mortgage, Marriage, Motherhood (aka “the Triad of Doom”) are not for me. I avoided motherhood as well that’s kind of irreversible, but I tried the others. More on those another time.
I’ve always felt different. Not gifted, special, or a cut above. Just different. As a kid, everyone wanted orange squash and I asked for lemon. At the age of 7, when everyone’s favourite track was “Summer Lovin'” from Grease, mine was “The Logical Song” by Supertramp.
I was never going to fit in.
We’re told that it’s a Very Good Thing to stand out. “Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” They say. Which is great but it leads to you having to dig about a LOT for role models, inspiration, guides etc. The internet made that easier, sure, but it’s still filled with a load of That Which is Popular. Which is fine, I don’t want to tear anything down.
So I’m not sure where I’m going. And that’s OK.