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Oh, how I despise a lack of plans.

I am really, REALLY not comfortable with not knowing what’s going on. I’m the kind of person whose immediate response to the words “I have a surprise for you” is “what is it?”.

I adore checklists and visions and intentions. My ideal life is listed out in advance and I work my way merrily through the list. To be honest, I do that already. I have three checklist books – one for self-care, one for fun stuff, and the other for business, and I plan out my priorities and work through it all. I’ll make another post one day giving all the details of these books, with photos, etc, at another time.

The midst of a global pandemic is of course a terrible time for plans. I have made three sets of plans for a place to live during this summer, and all three fell through. One I actually started to live in but that went wrong (I call that Covid K’s Cavern of Chaos). The other two, well it’s just the pandemic.

I’ve stopped planning where I’m going to live. My original plan was Krakow for the rest of this year. I really REALLY want to do another November 1st in Poland. On that day, the cemeteries are full of candles and incense, it’s haunting and romantic and lovely. However, due to my age and a couple of medical conditions I have, there is a reasonable chance I’ll need hospital treatment if I catch Covid 19, and Poland’s health system ain’t overflowing with capacity.

So I remain in the UK for now. Cases are going up, schools are opening, Bojo the Clown is blustering his way through Brexit (was I the only one who, on seeing the headline that he’d hired a trainer to help him get fit, said “what, for being PM?”) and heaven knows where it will all land.

Oh, how I despise a lack of plans.

I am being OK With Uncertainty by using tools to manage my thoughts, and with meditation. I use a rotating night light. I journal the heck out of everything. I take deep breaths. One day this will all pass, and I’ll be away again. I know that I get anxious when I wish for things to be different, so by accepting how they are and working through a plan to make them different, I am calm.

it would be a great help if I could get some decent sleep though. I struggle. I’m experimenting this week with staying off my phone in the evenings, will let you all know how that goes.

This has been today’s Blog post, Thank you for reading. it’s not great, it’s not how I saw it in my head, but it’s done. And I can write better and I will. But for now, I’m just being consistent.